Are You In The Room? Including Yourself in Your Own Decisions

Have you ever agreed to something before you knew how you felt about it?

Someone asks for help.

An invitation arrives.

A new responsibility appears.

And before you've even checked in with yourself, you've already answered.

For a long time, I didn't realize how often I did this.

When making decisions, I considered what needed to be done.

I considered what other people wanted.

I considered expectations.

I considered the list.

What I didn't often consider was myself.

I wasn't asking:

What do I think?

What do I need?

What is true for me right now?

I was so focused on what was happening outside of me that I rarely stopped to notice what was happening inside.

At some point, I began paying more attention.

And I noticed something surprising.

When I wasn't including myself in decisions being made, something inside me would begin to shut down.

Not dramatically.

Just a heaviness.

A loss of energy.

A feeling of moving through my life without actually being in the room.

Maybe you've felt something similar.

Maybe you've said yes when you meant maybe.

Maybe you've taken on one more thing when you were already stretched thin.

Maybe you've followed the list so closely that you forgot to check in with the person carrying it.

The more I paid attention, the more I realized that what I had been calling weakness was often information.

Information about what mattered.

Information about what I needed.

Information about my limits.

One of the ways this started showing up in my life was through a simple phrase:

"I don't have the capacity for that right now."

What I love about that phrase is that it isn't about anyone else.

It doesn't blame.

It doesn't criticize.

It simply tells the truth.

Not about whether something is a good idea.

Not about whether someone else's request is reasonable.

About what is true for me in that moment.

For years, I believed being a good person meant pushing through.

Doing more.

Handling one more thing.

Now I'm learning something different.

I'm learning that I can be kind and still consider myself.

Helpful and still consider myself.

Responsible and still consider myself.

Maybe healing isn't about becoming someone new.

Maybe it's about finally taking a seat at the table of our own lives.

Maybe it's about being willing to ask:

Am I in the room?

And if the answer is no, gently finding our way back.

Messy. Bumpy. Possible. - Leigh